To All the Noisy Yoga Peeps: Please Shut Up

Dear woooo girl, heavy breather and yoga-chick-who-thinks-everything-in-class is funny,

At the risk of sounding like a yoga bitch from hell, shhhhh! You see, I’m trying to get all focused on my drishti here, but your perpetual sound effects are making me want to do some not-so-yogic things.

If you’re a regular yogi, you know what I’m talking about. There is at least one noisy offender in every class. Like the heavy breather who sounds more like a creepy prank phone caller than someone working on his deep ujjayi breath.

Then there is the overly-enthusiastic woooo girl. After the very first sun salutation, she’s already hooting and hollering. Not that an occasional loud sigh or even a fun-filled roar from time to time is bad, but after three or four woooo’s, Miss Perky needs take it to spin class.

And then there is the chick who just thinks everything is so darn funny. She must be related to woooo girl. Instead of hoots though, she expels giggles every time she loses her balance (it’s no wonder that she can’t focus).

And to the other noisy yoga peeps, kindly shut up (I mean that in the most loving, yogic way, of course):

  1. Guy who always asks questions during vinyasas. Dude, save the Q&A’s for after class. We all know which direction our back foot needs to be during Warrior II. Well, except for you, apparently.
  2. Girl who comes in late, throws her keys into the basket and then drops her mat onto the floor and rolls it out with a mighty kick. Yes, we know you’ve arrived, but we’re balancing on one leg with the other leg God-knows-where, so we can’t really turn to acknowledge you right now.
  3. Girl who always, and I mean always, ducks out of class to use the powder room during Twisting Triangle. Yes, we all hate this pose, but we probably hate hearing you psssss even more.
  4. Guy who stomps his foot forward when stepping into Warrior I. Yo, we may be practicing yoga, but we’re not in India with a herd of elephants. Step softly like the teacher says.
  5. People who pant like a dog through their mouths during Side Plank causing a mighty rustling to be heard through my hair. OK, you can’t really hear it, but if my hair is a-blowing, chances are you’re blowing too. Remember, yogis use their noses for breathing and their mouths for eating.


Got any noisy yoga peeps in your class? Do tell!

Photo: Core Connection

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